Here I am again obsessing about my weight. I just recently started working after being a bum for 3 months in the house googling, facebooking, chatting with friends etc. I didn't realize I was slowly putting back the weight I already lost a year ago. I used to be 150 pounds or more way back in 2008. It was the most depressing year for me. Had to deal with a bad break-up with a 4 year boyfriend who I thought was the one for me but finally woke up from that nightmare after almost 2 years. In those times when the split- up was still fresh, I had one goal, "lose the ugly fats in my body & look my best to get my boyfriend back from that fatter girl that he replaced me with" that was literally it. I had nothing else in mind but to lose the weight and look better. things fell into place.
My appetite was really bad then. I was so depressed to the point that I forget to eat and my food brain wasn't as active as it was when I was still happy in love with him and contented with whatever I had. I only ate when my tummy started feeling really hungry, drank lots of juice that helped me to speed up my metabolism which helped me burn fats a lot faster, avoided eating rice as much as I could, stopped eating beef and pork for a month or 2, ate in small portions, ate crackers when I felt hungry and avoided drinking too much booze. I did almost everything to lose the extra weight that was unnecessary, ugly and most of all unhealthy. It worked real well and fast too. What made me so aware that I was losing the extra pounds was I kept weighing myself every chance I get. (I even check after every meal in a day). I was so obsessed about looking smaller and skinnier, having the chance to show off more skin and most specially getting that flat tummy every girl wanted. I was so happy that I was able to get thinner, lighter, fitter, better looking, got a more womanly shape, in one sentence, "I thought I started looking sexy inside and finally visibly sexy outside." The best part of it was people noticed the big change in me. All that hard work was paying me back with positive compliments (special mention, Rose my best friend loved the fact that I lost the big flabby ugly fat tummy I used to have & was the most sincere person that was happy for the transformation I made for my self also include Beng, Kat, Maan & Marge and other guy friends.). I didn't even exercise but I know I always walk when I know I can.
I can say that I was happiest with my body last 2009. I only weight 128 Pounds and that was a big difference from being a 150. but, I kept loosing my job's and it was hard to be consistent with my diet when a bad influenced so called friends got me into doing things I know I shouldn't be doing if I just stuck up to my old image of being smart and responsible. Instead I chose to be peer pressured with people who thinks that they're cool because of their status in life and the things they do for fun or wasting their time and energy on whatever fucked up things they want to do. I realized later on they were not my kind of people. I'd rather be alone than be with troublesome individuals doing worthless things with their already messed up lives. And so, I spent most of my time alone in a room, soul searching, tried to figure out what I really want coz I felt alone and suicidal, again...
I isolated my self from the outside world for 3 months and gained new friends from face book(also gained weight). I met Rob He was a good looking guy and I had a crush on him coz he kinda looked like Johnny Depp who I really fancy in movies. I wasn't expecting that he'd be a nice person coz he looked so vain and found out that he was a model when he was 18. There was more to him than his looks. He was a good person with a pure heart and the best thing I liked about him is his HONEST nature.. He was my ideal man. We talked online on a regular basis as long as we're connected to the internet. I even taught him how to voice call and talk like we're on the phone when we are on our computers. He's a very sweet guy and I might feel lonely again if we ever stop talking. We agree on a lot of things yet we have just enough differences about our out-look in life. I realized that I was getting really attached to him and my day wouldn't be complete with out hearing his voice and sincere gestures. At first we were just friends and I wanted to get together with him if I ever get the chance to go to UK. Then I confessed and told him that I liked him but wasn't expecting that he'd like me back coz I feel like he's too good for me and I'm concerned with what other people might say if we're seen together. So I told him that I used to be thinner and showed him my old pictures when I was still 128 pounds coz I gained weight when I kept my self inside the room munching on whatever my hands could grab coz I was getting really bored and stressed with what kind of job am I going to get if I don't work at a call center.
Rob and I started getting serious about us if we get together as a couple. He was looking forward to it and so was I. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be working now with great people in the office or gain more friends in a healthy working environment (still a call center though but very different account wise ). because of him I'm starting to have a positive future with him being sincere about spending his life with me. We'd always visualize a good future for the both of us if we were really meant to be together. And it's really good that he was honest coz he told me he'd never get with me if I was fat. So what he said there was a great way to motivate me in getting my old shape back. Now I will officially start my first blog, journey to loosing the weight I gained, tone my body to my liking and most specially, make my dream guy happy when he sees me in April of 2011.
